Ruhaan

Ruhaan

Only when you love someone so profoundly and have immense faith in yourself, you’re granted such a beautiful soul as your SON

The beginning

14th Feb has always been special to me but on Valentine’s day 2015, we received the best gift of our lives - Early pregnancy test “Positive”. We were on cloud nine as we found out that I was carrying a tiny poppy seed (We called him ‘Poppy’ until we named him for the same reason ;-)) in my womb, whom we call today - Ruhaan, our son. His name means Spiritual - the feeling I’ve had for him throughout the pregnancy and every single day, since then. He has changed our lives forever as he has promoted me as ‘Mumma’ and Parth as ‘DeDe’. Parth and I have known each other since we were 13 or 14 (None of us remember the exact time) and have shared many secrets but this was the best kept secret between just two of us until we broke the news to our family and close friends. ;-)

The journey of Pregnancy

In my opinion, every pregnancy is unique just as every human being. With the tremendous amount of information and resources available today, it is quite easy to get multiple answers to any question or concern you may have. However, this outstanding journey has been beyond words for me. It was a roller coaster ride, full of emotions, hormones, tears, joy, pain, love and ecstasy. I enjoyed my gestation like a beautiful dream. Every single day introduced me to some new feelings - something I never experienced before - physically, emotionally and spiritually. In one sentence, the journey of motherhood made me a much better person I am today than ever and it keeps getting better with each day. It is incredible to live your life for someone who is inside you yet unrevealed, so close to you yet untouched, quite familiar yet unknown. I started to make conscious choices at every single step for this phenomenal miracle shaping inside me. I couldn’t be thankful enough every morning as I was getting closer to meet my baby. Some days, I was full of enthusiasm and some days, I could cry over nothing. I did have my set of challenges through my way but my heart was filled with immense love and I just wanted to be happy for this little life, I learned to forgive and forget. The oxytocin rushed through my body so much that I felt like being in love once again, this time with my little man. The world became a beautiful place and all I could think was my baby. I was extremely anxious, scared, jovial and so much more at the same time. Overall, I loved every bit of this ambivalent state.  

Home birth

I think I’ve always had the motherly instinct in me but the day we found out that I was pregnant, I instantly wanted to make all the right decisions for my baby. Today, I can say proudly that home birth was one of the best and transformative decisions of my life.  I realized that it might not be a big deal in so many countries but it is definitely not normal in United States (I am an Indian national, living in US). Although, I’m happy that more and more people are getting educated and making the right choices for themselves. What I did was - listened to my soul and followed my body. A couple of years back, when I watched a documentary ‘The business of being born’, I did not know it is going to have an everlasting impression on my mind. The thought of home birth started to swirl around me subconsciously. Somehow, this suppressed thought resurfaced my mind once again when we found out about ‘Poppy.’ With the limited knowledge I’ve had about home birth, I tried my best to ignore the thought and tried to convince myself that what I saw in the documentary can not be reality. However, my heart was not convinced. Also, I had attended my nephew’s hospital birth five years ago and I could relate this documentary quite closely with the choices a mother is given at the hospital. My instinct was not ready to believe that everything is alright with the hospital birth and it led me to do more research on home birth - the more I read about it, more I got convinced. I realized that a female’s body is designed to give birth and I should let nature do its job. After all, we’ve not done any good so far by interfering with the nature in this world anyway. Unfortunately, I did not know anyone who’ve had home birth in my family or circle of friends so the biggest question was - if this was even possible for me. I gathered more details and started visiting hospitals and interviewing midwives in my area with Parth. After meeting different people who were supporting the idea of natural delivery and home birth, I almost made up my mind that I wanted to take this route. Fortunately, Parth was in this with me.

The Alchemist

“When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” - Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

On May 27th, I started a maternity yoga class and with each class I gathered the courage, confidence and mental strength to take the decision to give home birth. My instructor Sonya (http://www.myhealingyoga.com/services.php) was outstanding. I used to wait for Wednesdays to attend her class. The session used to begin with 45 minutes of group discussion on one topic, breathing for 45 minutes and exercise for the next 30 minutes. Although I used to practice yoga at home every morning, I found this class extremely useful as each group discussion topic covered such an important information which I could not have found in any book nor any other person would have advised me on the nitty gritty of pregnancy, birth and postpartum in such a short time. She was a doula herself and had given home birth - A perfect motivation which I was looking for. She shared her experiences and knowledge, which influenced me greatly. She also shared some of the really nice books (Birth Partner by Penny Simkin, The happiest baby on the block by Dr. Harvey Karp, Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth) which I used throughout the pregnancy and even later. Once I made up my mind, I shared my views with Parth and he immediately agreed to my plan. Although he was very scared once he realized that I was damn serious about it and I was actually thinking of giving home birth to our baby. Well - I was scared too, very scared but I started talking to more people and gathered more knowledge about it. I realized that following nature cannot be a wrong move and if my body is designed to give birth, I should be able to handle it. I discussed the idea with our parents and to my surprise, my mom was quite scared but my dad immediately supported me. I will never forget what he told me “If sixty two years ago, my mom could give home birth to me and my twin brother without even knowing that she was carrying twins, I’m sure the midwives have way better knowledge and techniques to do their job now - go for it, I’m sure you will be fine.” and there was no going back then. :-) Of course I did my part of hard work and practice with 100% integrity as well to make it possible.

Pearl (My Midwife)

It was surprising at first not to find any reviews for Pearl online but on the last day of my treatment I got the answer - "She does not need one as her work speaks for herself." However, I’m glad to be the first person to write a review for her and I’m sure it will be helpful to anyone looking for a fantastic midwife. Pearl Yu assisted by Maeve are fantastic midwives and I had a transformative home birth experience. She is a great listener, attentive, knowledgeable, resourceful and extremely helpful. I highly recommend her to anyone looking for a midwife. Her fees are higher than the most but it is worth every penny.

If anyone is interested in reading further, here is how it went for me:

The Research for a midwife

Based on yelp reviews, I had contacted Rosanna Davis at California Midwifery first but she was planning to be out on a vacation in the same month when I was due so she suggested me to contact Pearl. We had already visited a few hospitals where midwives deliver the baby and met a few midwives by the time I was 20 weeks but I wasn’t satisfied. And then I met Pearl - I contacted her on June 26th, 2015 and she met us at our home on July 1st. I had a ‘connection’ with her the same day. I liked her a lot but I was quite anxious as it was a mammoth task. Finally after a lot of brainstorming, we decided to go with her on July 7th, 2015. I completed the formalities and my first prenatal started since July 15th. At every visit, she would spend as much time as I needed (minimum an hour) to discuss and check all the vitals. I instantly felt comfortable with her. I used to look forward to our appointment to discuss my feelings to her. In between she was always available to answer my questions either via email or phone. The best part was that she visited us at home so I did not have to go anywhere and I could be as comfortable and open as I could be at our home.

What makes the difference?

While I continued to have my OB/GYN visits along with Pearl's visits to be prepared in case of emergencies, I soon realized the biggest difference Pearl made in my pregnancy. As I was nearing full term, she suggested me to get my CBC done since she suspected my iron level to be low based on her experience. I got it checked and it was indeed low. I started the supplements right away. Also, I would like to share another pleasant experience with her - At 33 weeks, she suspected that my baby might not be head down yet as he should be by then and if not, this was the right time to get him head down through certain natural techniques. To get the confirmation, I requested my OB/GYN to schedule an ultrasound but the doctor refused, saying it might not be necessary at that time and tried to convince me somehow. I found it extremely insensitive and disrespectful. While I could have got it done anywhere by spending a few extra bucks to have that additional peace of mind, Pearl actually called me at California Midwifery where Rosanna performed a quick ultrasound for me to determine the baby's position. I loved the way she helped me to address every little concern I had along the way. These are only some of the many wonderful advices/suggestions she had offered me throughout. Btw - my baby was indeed head down - Phew ;-)  

Home Birth Preparation

By the time, I entered third trimester, Pearl sent me the home birth list to prepare myself. The excitement and anxiety started to build up. Once I turned 36 weeks, we had a detailed meeting at our house to layout the final birth plan and she introduced me to two other midwives - Maeve and Diana who would be assisting her on the D-Day. From that day onwards, Maeve was also visiting us at every weekly appointments. We were getting extremely excited and anxious at the same time. My parents reached from India to help us out on Sep 29th (two weeks before I turned full term) and that relieved me mentally to a greatest extent. Our birth kit was in place, car seat was installed, and the countdown began …

The Birth day

The day I completed 39 weeks, my water broke the next morning at 6:00 am and continued to trickle down till the end. According to me, Ruhaan’s birth was like a ‘documented birth’ as I went through all the stages that I studied about as ideally as it could be. Initially I was quite scared to learn that only 10% of pregnant women have natural water break. I must be really lucky to be one of them. I called Pearl to inform and discussed what happened and she was constantly in touch with me over the phone since then. Because she lived quite far (San Francisco) than where we were (San Jose), Maeve stopped by the same morning to check on me and my progress as it was discussed already. From here, it could be a few hours or a couple of days depending on how much my baby and my body can cooperate. Suddenly I was extremely excited - knowing that soon I will be face-to-face with my baby. Parth and my sister started to stock the necessary energy drinks and food items that I could use during labor. I was trying to relax as much as I could to gather the energy for the right time. I started to feel the contractions gradually as the day progressed but there was no pattern yet. As per the plan, Parth started timing my contractions and updated Pearl every hour. Around 2:30 pm, I was trying to sleep but I could not as I started to feel strong contractions. Parth discussed the timing with Pearl and once she thought I was in active labor, she came home with Maeve. It was around 6 pm and they started setting up the room for the birth. By this time, the contractions were getting stronger and stronger and I was trying all the techniques that I learned to go through each contraction. I was walking freely on the top floor of our house (unlike hospital), drinking water and trying anything that would make me comfortable to go through the next contraction. Pearl and Maeve continued to check on me and the baby every 30 minutes. Soon I reached a point where I wanted to be all alone, somewhere dark and aloof. I did not want to talk to anyone and I felt the extreme extent of pain that I could not take any more. As I rightly read somewhere, I could tell that this was the time to give in. I finally let go of all my fears and completely gave in to my body to let it take control of whatever it had planned to do. I was riding on the waves of pain as it used to come and pass by. Pearl must have figured it out, since she just left me alone to experience the outstanding feelings I was going through. After a few minutes, she quietly came to me and started to massage me at certain body points where I immediately felt quite relieved. She read my body (I’m sure from experience) and checked my dilation when she thought I was ready. I was completely dilated (10cm) as expected and ready to push. This is to note that she did not check my dilation ever before since I did not want to know. I was riding on the waves of utmost pain and then back to normal, it continued for probably 30- 45 minutes. These were the most intense moments one could ever imagine or experience. At that very moment, I developed an extraordinary sense of gratitude for my mom, who would have gone through the same process to bring me to life. I remember holding on to Maeve so tightly that I was scared, I might have given her a fracture, the pain was intensifying so as my screams. I might have pushed a couple of times and I could feel Ruhaan’s head for the first time. Pearl asked me if I wanted Parth to feel his head and I said yes. Parth touched him for the first time as well. Somehow I was scared thinking that I’m taking too long (no one told me that, it was just me) and with that thought I gave a hardest push, a biggest scream ever and here’s Ruhaan in my hands. The push was so intense that I got a third degree tear, there was no crowning at all, his entire body came out at once ;-) Pearl held him and gave him to me chest-to-chest immediately and he was on my chest all the time. Our son, our creation, a life who was inside me for past 39 weeks was now in my hands. I imagined him numerously and now that he was here, it was hard to believe. The pain might have been comparable to someone cutting off your body part and that could be one of the reasons you get the designation of ‘Mom’ because he will always be your part, the way I will always be my mom’s part. It is indeed THE most eminent, unadulterated and altruistic bond between two lives. I will never be able to explain what I experienced from that moment on but I am changed or rather transformed. I am sure I will never forget this outstanding experience and I hope I will be able to justify this responsibility in every manner possible. After about two hours passed, Maeve helped me with my first nursing while Pearl stitched my tear. Once everything was complete, they cleaned and checked my baby and helped us both to go to bed. They cleaned the entire room with my family members and left around 4:30 am in the morning after confirming that I went to sleep with my newborn. She visited me every day for the next few days and helped me with lactation and other queries. She visited me once a month for the next three months till I was completely healed and set in the routine. For first couple of days, I could not believe what happened. It took me a while to realize that the life blooming inside me, with whom I used to talk all the time is in front of me, whom I can hold, touch and feel.

Gratitude

I could not be more thankful to The Creator for giving me this wonderful body to be able to give birth to another life. I am grateful to my parents - for bringing me to this life and their incessant support till date, Parth - without whom nothing would have been possible, Ruhaan is the result of our ecstatic moments, Pearl and Maeve - for the wonderful experience I’ve had and for delivering my baby the way I dreamed it to be. It’s been 16 months now but that moment is still intact in my heart. So many times, I just keep looking at Ruhaan and feel how astonishing this circle of life is - Beyond words! I just feel extremely blessed every morning when I get up to see this beautiful life flourishing in front of me, hats off to the creator! SALUTE!

And after one year …